A Silent Request !!

“Please don’t leave me now . It is all an act . I am not as tough as I appear to be . I am broken . I want to cry and tell you everything . Please , understand my silence is not becuase I dont want to tell you everything . I just don’t know how to tell . You are my friend and I know my words have hurt you. You think I am angry with you but you should know I am angry with myself .

Please hold onto me a little while longer. I am sorry I am such a hard person to read. Please don’t listen to what I have said  , you need to look through my act of toughness to see how vulnerable I am !  How much I need  a friend right now !

I need you to understand I lied when I said “I am ok ” . Dont take my words for it . You are my friend , you should know when I am telling a lie .

I need a friend right now whom I don’t have to tell how I feel. A friend who knows how much I am hurting right now ? How much I need a shoulder to cry upon ? A friend who would just stand by me until I am able to stabilize my emotions.

Please dont tell me to be strong right now . I know that already , the more you tell me that the more guilty I would feel. Be patient with me for a little while longer. ”

If she could she would scream these words so that her leaving friend would listen .

But she has not said a word. She is looking at her friend with all these words in her eyes . A silent request hangs between them . She is waiting,  waiting to be understood and accepted .

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Highly Sensitive Person : Realization

She is a very big fan of Dr. Elaine Aron’s work , Dr. Aron’s book “The Highly Sensitive Person” is a wonderful book . She came across the term “Highly Sensitive Person” by chance . She learned about M.B.T.I. personality test and was very keen to learn about introversion . Her search on introversion led her to the description on trait of high sensitivity . Knowing about introversion revealed partial picture of her personality, there were many things that she could relate to but still a lot of things weren’t clear. Reading about H.S.P. made many things clear .

Let’s meet this person and find out why does she believe that she is a Highly Sensitive Person?

– She takes a lot of time in decision-making . Making a choice is very hard for her : Shopping is a nightmare for her , She gets very overwhelmed and couldn’t decide . As the number of choices increase so does her confusion and frustration  .Before reading about H.S.P. , she was unable to understand what’s wrong with her .She pondered for hours that why a task (shopping)  that made other people happy left her so confused ? There were times when she started crying because she was taking a lot of time to decide what to buy .

  – She gets easily overwhelmed :– She likes quiet environment and does not want to be the center of attention . Loud noises affect hers . Before learning about high sensitivity she felt strange as others did not feel the same way . There was an incident , a loud sound made her head ache once and as a result she fainted .

– She likes comfortable clothes ,coarse fabric bothers her .

– She cries a lot even on small things : Small gestures can make her cry . A memory of past can trigger deep emotions . She cries even when she is lost in her imaginative world or thinking about a story .

– She hates to upset others : She hates to see other person in pain or unhappy it makes her unhappy so she tries to make them feel happy . When someone asks her to give her stuff to them she instantly gives them that stuff so that they become happy .

– Other people’s emotions affect her : Mood of other people affect her greatly , if the people around her are unhappy or hurt it affects her too.

– She over-analyzes things and situations .

– She needs alone time to unload her thoughts : Alone time helps her recharge her energy and to think .Her energy drains quickly  and needs sleep or regular breaks .

– She is quiet and reserved (introversion related): She doesn’t open up to others .

  – She wants to make positive change in this world i.e. to somehow make it a better place for less privileged .

Making a career choice was one of the hardest decision of her life:  At that time she didn’t have any information about her personality type and the trait of high sensitivity . She was so confused and frustrated with herself because most of her friends and classmates were very clear and quick in decision-making they knew what they wanted . On the other hand she wanted to do something special and meaningful .She made some horrible choice , due to time pressure and to avoid conflict she took decisions related to career choice that were wrong and not suitable for her personality.

She likes to help others : Although she is quite reserved and a quiet person . She likes to teach others . Whenever one of her friends or classmate has an issue or difficulty with their studies they seek her help and she tries her best to explain those topics .  She feels sorry to disappoint others .

She cries a lot : Watching someone die on a TV show or movie makes her cry . She still cries on small things and can’t stop her tears .

– She follows rules : She likes order and structure .

– She hates being late : She plans ahead and reach places 30-45 minutes before the given time .

  – She hates being watched or judged . 

– Negative comments and failure  affect her deeply.

– She is a highly achiever :  She wants to do everything right and pay attention to small details and minute requirements .

– She tends to undervalue her self : Regardless of all her achievements ,  she tends to  doubt her capabilities and undermine  herself .  – She is not good at verbal communication the thought of being watched overwhelms her .

– She feels extreme temperature more than others i.e. she feels more  cold and use more  jackets and warm clothes than others.

She is not a risk taker and changes affect her very much : She needs time to be prepared for things.

According to some online tests and her understanding of Dr. Elaine Aron’s work she is a highly sensitive person .

Decision : Contest of Will and Fear

A storm is gathering around the battlefield(Human mind) . Winner gets to decide the fate of the host(human). Both opponents are getting ready for the final round. Will wants the host to have a firm believe and to do good whereas fear wants to plant doubts and sabotage host’s trust and confidence . Fear has assembled an army of many small fears ,it wants to scare the host.If fear wins , its venom will paralyze the host .Host will not be able to make any decisions. Will knows what fear does to people . It has heard horrible stories about the fate of fear’s victim.The longer this battle will go on the more painful it will be for the host .

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Wait is over and the battle begins. Fear has struck hard , Will has prepared for an honest fight but fear has no rules and integrity, it is ruled by darkness .Will will not accept defeat so easily , it is known for its perseverance and conviction . Time is running out and the host is exhausted , he wants this to end as soon as possible . There can only be one winner. That’s the story of how a decision is made.

Host = Human

Battlefield= Human Mind

Her Choices

Quiet Echo

She has found the perfect spot , hidden by the wide branches of trees near the river bank . She likes the quiet surrounding of this place . Light wind is blowing, river seems very calm . This place gives her a sense of peace and security . She came here to free herself from the demanding pressure of everyday life .From time to time , She needs to get away from the selfish and materialistic world she lives in , she needs to disconnect herself from the egoistic and self-centered people around her for a while .No,not all the people are like that , she knows some very good and kind people too .Sometimes she just needs time and space to clear her mind and recharge herself for future dealings and pressures of life .

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Castle or Dungeon!

She has a lot on her mind , she is good at hiding her fears . She is quite reserved and secretive. It’s very difficult to know what’s going in her mind .Not many people know her .The persona that people associate with her is not her true self .It’s all an act , deep down she wants to be understood . She foolishly believed ,someone would see through her act but now she knows that that wait will never be over . She must collect the pieces of her hidden-self herself and she needs to draw the courage to demolish the walls she has created around her . Those walls were meant to protect her not to suffocate her . It’s getting darker in there she needs new walls that will give her enough space to live  wholeheartedly .She must revive her identity . She must redesign those walls .She needs a castle not a dungeon.She has learnt her lesson,” To have a reserved personality is not a bad thing as long as you accept yourself fully” . This acceptance will transform her dungeon into a very spacious and secured castle .

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*All the pictures used in this post are taken from Google images.

Easily Rattled

There exists a group of people who are different from the rest of the population  .  They have a unique trait but usually they are unaware about its awesomeness . According to different sources, this group consists of 15-20% of population. They get overwhelmed easily in other words they are easily rattled . Even small changes are sometimes too much for them .

If you haven’t read the term Highly Sensitive Person(HSP) or read/heard about the book , “Highly Sensitive Person” by Dr. Elaine Aron then you must be thinking who are these people and where are they ?

This book has answered many questions . It has helped these people  make sense of their lives .

Even if you are not an HSP , chances are someone you know is one . I would request all of you to take out time and read about this trait .
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Writing Attack

A lot of ideas are racing through my mind.There is too much noise in my head . It’s making me anxious . All the characters, of the story I am working on ,are voicing their opinions. I can feel their uncertainty , they do not want to be ignored . Each of them are reminding me how important they are for the story . I want to get done with this story, to feel free once again . There is too much pressure on me .

I need to do something fast , I am the only one awake at this time of the night . What should I do ? If I don’t do something quickly my mind will explode!

I extend my hand for a pen . Ah ! where is it ? Why couldn’t I find it ? Oh no! I am running out of time . I must hurry before these voices fade away . I won’t be able to complete this story without their inputs . I want to do justice with the story and all of its characters. What if I forget one of the details ? The people in this story trust me , I can’t let them down .

I once again extend my hand , it collides with something . Is it my mobile phone ? Oh yes ! I can write and record each dialogue and feelings of these characters now . I have not failed the voices in my head . They are still trying to tell me something . I close my eyes to concentrate on these voices , I can hear them clearly . I open my eyes and begin to write what these characters are telling me ! They are expressing their gratitude towards me . They are telling me how they wanted to be portrayed in the story . My fingers are floating on the keypad , I don’t want to miss a single detail . The clock is still ticking but it is not bothering me now . I am not afraid of the stillness of night anymore . With each letter I press , my anxiety goes down . I am enjoying this . Words keep appearing on the screen of my mobile phone . They are beautiful . The voices are fading now .They assure me they will be back . The story is not finished yet . I just have to be patient . It is going to be a great story . It has already touched my heart .